Junk Read online

  judgment Listen, I don’t want to be Trojan Horsed or nothin

  but yr taste is too canonical to me “Control” by Janet Jackson

  is one of the greatest songs in the nation Warm hearts sparkle

  in the colonial afternoon Control is a reaction to something

  smacking that cracks the future w/ no precedent We call this a

  paradigm shift—say we were totally blindsided Janet wants to

  take control from her parents From the loss of a first love

  Control of the narrative Janet wants to Black Cat in boxy

  military garb Janet wants to show you her midriff and introduce

  J.Lo to the general public in a few albums and yeah, have

  her tits out at the Super (Bowl) in a minute Shock is a kind of

  collision A booming confusion The shudder and the shot are

  almost indistinguishable Shock has its electric correlate, but is

  also itself by what surrounds the event: a quiet dinner party

  vs sweaty racing thoughts And what do you make of it My

  friend said he found out his crush graduated college in 2014 n

  hates himself And I’m like wait til yr my age, thinkin I totally

  still look like I’m in my 20s Then it turns out the dude you were

  makin out with was born the year Janet, the album, came out

  What the literal fudge An hour ago you were singing “That’s

  the Way Love Goes” at karaoke In my defense, taller dudes

  always look older How to negotiate control and the lack of

  control When yr slap hand gets itchy OK whenever anybody

  dumps you, just think of them as if a gif of a white dude wilding

  out to Wu-Tang in a cardigan then suddenly falling into the

  Grand Canyon—Dating is all the way dumb I don’t know what,

  if any of this, will reach yr peepers but I want to ask you this

  (and I am guilty of making ppl wade thru some bullshit b4

  getting to my point): what do you turn to when breath dashes

  from yr body like it’s on the lamb? Cindy Crawford says lighting

  is everything Take a selfie from the sunblown window Even

  supermodels say “lighting” It’s comforting! But there’s also

  value in exposing yr engine #BadSelfie Archaic but also so

  fresh: self-expression Trust is a thing that guides you thru a

  feed The voice like a handshake I’m in front of you There is

  paper and a trade-off This is ancient, like pixel drift What’s

  under the hood of irritation We call complication a knot A

  knotted life that doesn’t get to be undone Who here has a clear,

  linear rope? Denial! You have to love yr knots You have 2 shout

  them out Curate if need be Janet turns her knots into songs

  Sonic beauty (tho fuck beauty) Knot is the response A manager

  is like a politician Not the minutiae but the orchestration

  The dark forest It’s hard not to inhale The cave is where to

  turn when you’ve no other recourse This isn’t a discussion This

  isn’t a mandate (lol man date) This isn’t an answer This is a

  lineage: Lascaux, Keith Haring, Rihanna How do you draw

  breath? In and down Heel to crown Janet says I’m in control n

  ends Don’t make me lose it As if she knows what’s to come

  The battle of control is in learning to make, and giving it up

  This is not abt being the “good” one—that’s boring This is abt

  the wrong one, the petty one, the ugly one, the gruff one, Ruff

  and Threadbare White waves caught in a loop from microphone

  to loudspeaker Returning output to input What’s yr feedback?

  Plz spoon it to me as if it’s my business Does it vibrate like

  Paula Abdul bumpin in a Janet video? Does it make sense? Can

  we just agree—Fuck sense Do you see the blades in the field Do

  you see the crust of walnut cream cheese on my crush Do you

  see the goopy eyes flash across his face when he finally “sees”

  me It’s good to lead with something pastoral, it’s more universal

  that way A person is always inserting I don’t believe in “universal”

  b/c ppl r always like gravitas and sacrosanct and

  pastoral and yesterday Science said We’ve conducted a study

  and think medicinal smoke may eliminate certain airborne

  bacteria Look Science, NDNs have smudged for thousands of

  years Why do you always think you bring the truth? Curate yr

  Junk to allow for a close-up I’m aces 2 b spontaneous just give

  me time to fix my face first Pretty Little Lyres Bite guard on a

  nightstand Insomnia is like hearing cicadas but the cicadas are

  yr brain and yr brain is an egg being smashed by time after

  time Dummy, once yr not arranging yr Junk to control my interpretation

  —you’re becoming So Becoming I want you balls deep

  inside me Occupied is a throaty valve of relief filling the room

  I’ll make a supersonic manatee out of you UGH so many Junk

  words wading in imprecision and then suddenly a weapon Like

  “family values” Niqui says “Values? What does that even mean?”

  But also family What I’m tussling with is the pathway from

  definition to validity Dummy, is this the poem or the essay abt

  the poem Pennies fall out of my crotch when I stand up Clap!

  Laugh! Must have slipped out of my coin purse when I took the

  change from brunch It’s like a diorama of class anxiety What

  goes into the display case vs What goes into the Junk drawer

  Things that make me want to run: (1) Seeing other ppl run (2)

  Eatin a whole pizza (3) Everyone adoring the same person Prove

  it says every actor who’s ever been in a police procedural Do

  you ever call yr booty “Incorrigible” in the sense that it refuses

  to quit? Boner overwhelms the ability to think, says every Hart

  Crane poem The journalist at the Moby-Dick exhibit asks

  What’s your white whale? And I says to her I says Dick, just like

  in the book lol Flight Fight Feed Fuck says my cute, reptilian

  brain Relief in the Sense of context: 5 milligrams + 50 dollars =

  100 percent sure of Sleep, then 80 > 85 > 50 > 15 percent

  What a hypnic jerk The body can acclimate to anything I repeat

  Pebble Bubble Fountain three times in the mirror Reading the

  news used to make me feel more knowledgeable and in that

  way more aware and in that way more powerful Now I just

  want to dye (my hair) Flaming asteroid for president 2016 plz

  Tinder Grindr Jack’d Scruff OkCupid Adam4Adam Squirt

  Surge Manhunt The operative phrase is “dumped” but the operative

  feeling isn’t “garbage” bc garbage suggests refusal and I

  can be reused I swear All the comments fall in ringlets, like

  comets I was going to say Streak but then thought about skid

  marks and demurred I stare and shake in the static which is like

  a magic eye autostereogram that doesn’t become a turtle or a

  saxophone or whatever Until a kind of instinct to re-ho (as in to

  become a ho again) kicks in Hey are you Teebs and immediately

  I ask Is this a summons I never think I do anything wrong but

  people cuss at me from cars No he says I’m yr date Classic case

  of someone not looking like their profile pic Oh enough with

  slimy love I can’t wait to read all of your breakup tweets All of

  your divorce status updates and Instagram calls to respect yr

&n
bsp; privacy Your love is about as relevant as chewed gum under

  the table I just flipped I got too drunk to sleep it off says Academia

  on the language of Academia The first charming thing

  you said to me was that when you walk behind a woman at

  night you walk slower farther away so she doesn’t think yr

  tryin to run up on her Even do something gay like laugh in that

  helio high balloon laugh you laugh How can you claim to respect

  life if you don’t also care abt yr enemy If you call them enemy

  must be something worthy of yr grace Harry Potter pops into

  the discussion strangely as it shd for adults It’s strange to

  occupy without investment, to selectively remember, like me

  with Harry Potter or most forms of popular culture for that

  matter Or like u and NDNs on Thanksgiving Every year I’m

  surprised that genocide is an excuse to unfurl America’s shameless

  gorging As if gorging isn’t going off whole hog every other

  day tbqh Some stuff happened n it’s an occasion for me to stuff

  my face, is also a thing I say at a Hunger Games movie Of what

  concern is permanence to the poem I let myself Skittle ballpark

  nacho Junior Mint Sour Patch Kid buttery fluff n tumble kaleidoscope-like

  aswirl on the insides The world finally quiets What

  concern is permanence to the poem Giving up candy makes

  “one” a boring moron I’m just spitballing here You’ve a whole

  entire sunset behind yr fingernails I’ve prayed to every goddess

  for a fat ass but if my backside is to be believed: I have no

  messiah Meet me in the dogs I’m always in the process of being

  dumped but also by my own fantastic imagination which I’ve

  been calling my imag-mag Carbon butt print Zan works w/ this

  waiter he calls TGI Fridays bc of his wide Chiclet smile & dead

  eyes Lol she says she’s a top I think TGI Fridays wants to fuck

  me? Blooming onion appletini Yum yum yum mini donuts My

  body is accumulating toxins and feelings Coffee, for example, is

  convenient pain My bff says poets are the stewards of language

  and being a stew-stew of lang-lang, I came up with a new word:

  sleeding, which is the body sleeping & bleeding I mean there’s

  hearts on my pillow Literally I got a tattoo last night, on my

  shoulder of hearts It scabbed over There’s beer, in general An

  air of smoke traces the air Sleek finish gel to stiffin yr hair Cake

  batter buttercream goops up my skin I want to smell like what

  I eat Gimme brains A phone is I beaming into my brain TV is a

  screen into the thing I call: phone, heart, brain I googled you in

  the rain I see you on the street cross to avoid me We look at

  our phones I mean pain Is the disgust at hearing yr own voice

  or face in the true mirror or body in the video recording—is that

  a body rejecting itself Cute guy on the train looking away or the

  shop girl saying You can’t leave yr zine here The shudder postrejection

  is a Junky primordial tether Passing wind is the

  most hilarious phrase in America I’ve been using the word

  aromatic to refer to ideas that unfold like wine I’m at Shake

  Shack with Andrew bc cheese fries r the spell of our generation

  and I’m lookin to conjure Adele rings the air while singin Purity

  is so fascist Everyone is going on a juice cleanse rn I dew love

  a diet Quitting is the best feeling The gentle thrill of hooky I

  HAVE A JUNKY DIET I swallow all the colors of our omnivorous

  rainbow More accurately: I am Kumeyaay As such part of me is

  confrontation and part of me (in) denial This is what I call

  survival A bulgy dude presses fingertips to hips in front of me

  Rocks to and fro Some ppl just need to be told No more often

  I’m in every gay love triangle in Brooklyn: I like You, You like

  Him, He likes Me: I like tall guys, You prefer blonds, He’s a leg

  man We die by the hilt of our turn-ons But the sword tips Just

  the tip Who can you talk to the way you talk to yr therapist I’m

  not going to just turn down a donut unless sex in the derriere is

  comin Everywhere smells like sweaty parmesan and no one

  seems bothered but me People often overlook the gravity of the

  Erykah Badu lyric, “I’m feelin kinda heavy/cos my high is comin

  down” Watchin someone return to their phone with the attn of

  a new crush makes me pissed as a port-o-potty Sad Slut Sorry

  for Stealing Sixty Cent Stamps from the Post Office this Snowy

  Sunday I have no investment in yr sizable manhood except it

  looks so good catching moonlight, then my mouth The bananas

  are dying and this is not a metaphor Cheaply made is synonymous

  with vulnerable to disease, in agricultural terms Homogeneity

  breeds blind spots Commercially produced yellow

  penis proxies are clones and share the same backdoors How

  do you slip into a banana You have to start before it’s born

  What peach doesn’t love flesh How long can you keep it 2gether

  It falls away It falls away it falls nm too healthy Watermelon

  gummies harden in the open air You expect me to tie bananas

  into the narrative I expected my Ancestors wd b treated as

  human beings Janet says Let’s wait awhile Coil and release

  Anger is another biting thing A smooth seething But seductive

  for its clarity, like pain Writer Ppl say We’re post narrative, post

  characters, post enthusiasm, post structure, post connection,

  post meaning I too have the internet She introduces plants to

  Janet Jackson Post Postal Post-It Post up Poster Post huh The

  scroll is both pre and post page Pages are kind of quaint, no?

  Unspool as if a runway on which I walked in the thrift shop At

  the time, there were three main industries on the rez (besides,

  of course, meth): fire dept, RV park, and the thrift shop Mom

  worked at each of them I spent whole ass afternoons among

  the busted watches and raggedy Barbies n rolling green candy

  bowls Sugar was first cultivated in India the trade became a

  major colonial industry I’d parade in faded dress and sweaty

  plastic pumps Candy is a simple way 2 make kids behave when

  you have three jobs Appetite is explained by simple biology

  “Sorry for the genes” is a phrase mom is often fond of saying

  You literally can’t argue with Gobstoppers Auntie calmly blinks

  “That’s just your way” The dispossessed are denied history

  Them hidden things aggregate, like saccharides Thrift shop

  smell, to a young fairy formatting normalcy, is basic Not in the

  sense of boring but Elemental A thing yr composed of n composing

  A face in the mirror makin mirror-face Have you ever

  wondered why thrift stores always smell the same? The musk

  settles like a dusty comfort feeling Feel the tide of decision swell

  in and roll out, never quite catching it It’s defeating, so much

  older than I was 15 yrs ago & for a breakup to feel like the first

  one Is this time travel? My tolerance is cry baby I would very

  much like it Very much beg u dunk yr front Junk into my back

  Junk Sober daytime sex is the nakedest It was hotter then Our

  bodies aromatic as cracked something Everyone, you said,

  knows
their number unless it changes Like losing oodles of

  weight or suddenly becoming middle class When things change

  hands, their designation depends on intent A riding crop, for

  example It’s easy 2 overlook a mass’s deviations n particulars

  from the outside I’m saying: strain (in general [to pasta]) The

  taste is basic but the mouth feel like a mushroom of foam bed

  I finally get haiku Simplicity that exposes its breast bone, the

  more uncompounded Tho as Junk I’m less an element n more

  the entire periodic table I’m from a place where ppl became

  garbage A pile to remove Junk is an upgrade Poverty is like this:

  you keep everything until the wheels fall off and then you eat

  the wheels I go dull in the dull blast of words Let’s address this

  now: being broke is not the same as being poor Poverty is a